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I have been friends with a woman, who has overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances drifted away then, because they seemed drawn to him. It shocked her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several of her friends have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my role between us is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I know well many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to provide personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just come back from a month in that place she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she can comprehend the effect of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state what typically happens in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they have a story about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult when there seems no easy route here, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react defensively before reflecting on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides closure that you've been honest with her.